How do you answer the question "How are you?" ? Do you give a standard, "I'm good, how bout you?" Or maybe you are a little less interested and give a "Fine".
I have recently found myself answering with "Good...busy...but good" . Now, why am I doing that? They don't really need to know that. They really probably were asking out of habit. Chances are they are every bit as busy as I am , maybe more.
The more I think about this the more I realize it comes from a part of me that I dislike. The part of me that can feel run down. The part of me that feels less than. I can't keep up. I am tired. I am not finding joy in each moment. Sad to say, the selfish side of me. I don't like to admit that I have one of those...but I do.
I don't like to feel out of control. I dislike not being able to do all that I want to do. Now, I feel like I should just clarify. I am not a yes person. If I don't want to do something, you will probably know it right off the bat. I am not talking about those kind of things. I am more than willing to say no to those things. I am talking about things that I enjoy and want to have in my life.
It seems like in the past few years there are friends that I haven't been able to connect with. Events I can't attend. Not because I don't want to but because saying yes to them means saying no to my family. To John and the boys. This makes me annoyed. I want there to be time for all of that.
I don't want to sacrifice my family for friends or activities. I also don't want to loose connection with other family or friends. (I have some pretty stellar people in my corner! ) It seems as though this is another level of adulting. Saying yes to a spouse and children is often saying yes to their activities and no to mine. Why didn't someone warn me about this?
I know that this is just the beginning. It isn't going to slow down anytime soon. In all honesty I wouldn't want it to. I also don't want to continue to feel like I am letting the business of life steal my joy. I want to enjoy each stage. I want to be present in each experience. I want to look back and remember how great it was. I never want to look back on what could have been. I want my boys to remember how excited mom got at their ball games and not that I sat and endured it. I know they can see the difference.
What is it in your life that you want to see more joy in? Maybe we can encourage each other in this journey!
Monday, June 18, 2018
Friday, June 15, 2018
Summer in the Springtime
I have been a little frustrated with the weather this year. Well I shouldn't say frustrated...more like annoyed! The winter seemed extra long this year. Then without warning it was summer! Hot, so very hot! There was no middle ground. No getting used to it. I missed the grace period for the change.
God has been using this as a teaching tool in my spiritual life. I often find myself trying to jump from winter directly into summer. Wanting to bypass spring. Feeling as thought I see all that summer has to offer and feeling like I just need to jump on in and get moving.
God is calling me to a slower more graceful approach. Colleen. Stop. Listen. Wait.
How much do I miss when I just power on through. How much do I miss when I think I hear a word from Him and then run off on my own to try and make sure it happens. Often I don't even realize that I am doing it.
That is when you hear that small, still voice calling you to come back.
Picture a parent and child on a pathway. The child sees a huge field of flowers up ahead and takes off down the path. The parent is left walking slowly behind. The child sees the obvious beauty and runs toward it. The parents takes in each piece of beauty as they meander down the path. The parents sees something, a hidden treasure of sorts and calls the child back. Maybe it takes some coaxing or convincing. The child returns to see all they have missed.
How often have I been this child. The blessing and mission on my life are not just one and done. They are abundant and sometimes hidden in the stillness.
I feel that God has shown me some of the bigger callings he has on my life. Today I am reminded to take time to hang out in the springtime with my heavenly father. To enjoy finding hidden treasures. Each time transforming me. Teaching me. Changing my mind and heart. Learning to love and be loved. Compassion, grace, patience and mercy.
This can be a hard season. I am just a tad mission oriented (ok I can be VERY mission oriented) . Set the goal, attain the goal, set a new goal and so on. How do I do when the goal is to just be. Come and rest. Guess we will just have to see......
God has been using this as a teaching tool in my spiritual life. I often find myself trying to jump from winter directly into summer. Wanting to bypass spring. Feeling as thought I see all that summer has to offer and feeling like I just need to jump on in and get moving.
God is calling me to a slower more graceful approach. Colleen. Stop. Listen. Wait.
How much do I miss when I just power on through. How much do I miss when I think I hear a word from Him and then run off on my own to try and make sure it happens. Often I don't even realize that I am doing it.
That is when you hear that small, still voice calling you to come back.
Picture a parent and child on a pathway. The child sees a huge field of flowers up ahead and takes off down the path. The parent is left walking slowly behind. The child sees the obvious beauty and runs toward it. The parents takes in each piece of beauty as they meander down the path. The parents sees something, a hidden treasure of sorts and calls the child back. Maybe it takes some coaxing or convincing. The child returns to see all they have missed.
How often have I been this child. The blessing and mission on my life are not just one and done. They are abundant and sometimes hidden in the stillness.
I feel that God has shown me some of the bigger callings he has on my life. Today I am reminded to take time to hang out in the springtime with my heavenly father. To enjoy finding hidden treasures. Each time transforming me. Teaching me. Changing my mind and heart. Learning to love and be loved. Compassion, grace, patience and mercy.
This can be a hard season. I am just a tad mission oriented (ok I can be VERY mission oriented) . Set the goal, attain the goal, set a new goal and so on. How do I do when the goal is to just be. Come and rest. Guess we will just have to see......
Friday, February 9, 2018
Who's the Better Half??
Recently I have been thinking more and more about who I am. Why do I do the things I do? Why do I like the things I like? Why do I think the way I do? Why am I drawn to certain people? Or even better why are certain people drawn to me?
Ready for my profound answer? I still don't know. I honestly can't figure it all out. There are some things that I can look at and understand but others that just never really make sense.
For example, I am a fixer. I like to make things ok. I like to solve problems. I like to walk with people through trials. To help them make sense of what they are going through. I like to see relationships restored. I like to talk things out.
I am not normally one to sit by and watch while someone is hurting. I listen and offer some sort of encouragement. Depending on the person and situation I might even add some advise (yes, while they can be the same, advice and encouragement can be pretty different).
My husband, John, gets annoyed when shopping with me. Never fails that someone, smiles and says Hello. I do the same and if you are in close proximity they usually start up a conversation. He is more of an introvert. He likes to stay more to himself. He can't understand how the constant download from strangers isn't super annoying to me.
What drew us together? Two people who are so very different.
A crazy, energetic, people loving girl. A quiet, funny, introverted boy. I pull him into a social life that he is unsure he loves. He helps me realize that down time and quiet is a must. We need it to recharge. I might need a little less time than he does but we all need it.
People are drawn to John. He pulls in people that wouldn't really be drawn to me. His way is softer, quieter. He moves at a slower pace. It takes him a little bit to warm up to someone.
I am loud and silly. I like to laugh. I make fast friends. There is another difference, I would classify a "friend" differently than he would. I have MANY friends. He would say he has just a handful of friends. He would use other descriptions for people, IE: Coworker, family, neighbor etc.
I am very thankful for John. Without him I wouldn't be nearly as grounded as I am. He stretches me. I choose to try and see why and how he deals with life. Maybe it is something that will make me a better person if I do it to...then again, maybe not.
Now that doesn't mean we don't disagree, cause we do! HELLO, we are normal people!
In all the ups and downs of this world I know that there is one human that chooses me. Of coarse I also choose Him!!! We aren't stuck. We chose. Even when I am difficult he still chooses me. When he is being a hermit, I still choose him. It makes my heart happy to know that no matter what comes we are both 100% set on our choice.
I still love to think about why I am the way I am and why I think the way I do. But what it all really boils down to, I am so very thankful for a Godly husband! No matter how different we are, we work! We say yes to thinking outside of our comfort zones and yes to working together to both be stretched. Yes to a life together that we wouldn't have by ourselves.
I have wondered, in the past, who I would have been on my own. I can't even imagine that! I have been the later half of "John & Colleen" for the better part of 17 years! That's right 17! Married for almost 14.
John keeps me grounded in a wonderful way. I love that I can feel secure because I know he is steadfast.
So now when I think of who I am and why I think that way I think....some of that just might have some of John mixed in it. Pretty amazing how that works!
Thank you Jesus for teaching us about grace, patience, kindness, love and joy through our spouses and loved ones!!!
I am not normally one to sit by and watch while someone is hurting. I listen and offer some sort of encouragement. Depending on the person and situation I might even add some advise (yes, while they can be the same, advice and encouragement can be pretty different).
My husband, John, gets annoyed when shopping with me. Never fails that someone, smiles and says Hello. I do the same and if you are in close proximity they usually start up a conversation. He is more of an introvert. He likes to stay more to himself. He can't understand how the constant download from strangers isn't super annoying to me.
What drew us together? Two people who are so very different.
A crazy, energetic, people loving girl. A quiet, funny, introverted boy. I pull him into a social life that he is unsure he loves. He helps me realize that down time and quiet is a must. We need it to recharge. I might need a little less time than he does but we all need it.
People are drawn to John. He pulls in people that wouldn't really be drawn to me. His way is softer, quieter. He moves at a slower pace. It takes him a little bit to warm up to someone.
I am loud and silly. I like to laugh. I make fast friends. There is another difference, I would classify a "friend" differently than he would. I have MANY friends. He would say he has just a handful of friends. He would use other descriptions for people, IE: Coworker, family, neighbor etc.
I am very thankful for John. Without him I wouldn't be nearly as grounded as I am. He stretches me. I choose to try and see why and how he deals with life. Maybe it is something that will make me a better person if I do it to...then again, maybe not.
Now that doesn't mean we don't disagree, cause we do! HELLO, we are normal people!
In all the ups and downs of this world I know that there is one human that chooses me. Of coarse I also choose Him!!! We aren't stuck. We chose. Even when I am difficult he still chooses me. When he is being a hermit, I still choose him. It makes my heart happy to know that no matter what comes we are both 100% set on our choice.
I still love to think about why I am the way I am and why I think the way I do. But what it all really boils down to, I am so very thankful for a Godly husband! No matter how different we are, we work! We say yes to thinking outside of our comfort zones and yes to working together to both be stretched. Yes to a life together that we wouldn't have by ourselves.
I have wondered, in the past, who I would have been on my own. I can't even imagine that! I have been the later half of "John & Colleen" for the better part of 17 years! That's right 17! Married for almost 14.
John keeps me grounded in a wonderful way. I love that I can feel secure because I know he is steadfast.
So now when I think of who I am and why I think that way I think....some of that just might have some of John mixed in it. Pretty amazing how that works!
Thank you Jesus for teaching us about grace, patience, kindness, love and joy through our spouses and loved ones!!!
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Feeling Winter
I started this blog post May of 2017.
" Do you ever just feel unsettled. Nothing is out of place but you feel like you are missing something. Things in life are good but you just can't shake the feeling that something just isn't how it should be.
What do you do with that? Why do you feel this way? How do you make it go away?
It seems like a mean trick. As a Christian I know that we have an enemy. He is malicious and always on the attack. Always trying to twist our happiness into something we don't recognize. Making us want more. Making us discontent. We don't even know what more we need or want...we just know that what we have is never enough.
The older I get the more chances I have to look back. Today I watched some amazing kids graduate high school. I think of who I was and what I wanted out of life at that age. I keep wondering were that girl went. She was carefree and fun. She was always up for meeting new people and there wasn't a lot that could keep her down.
While she was someone that understood that life was not perfect, she could look at most situations and see the good. Find a way to make it work. She was oddly confident. She was hopeful for her future. She was sure of who she was. She was organized and driven. She seems like a completely different person.
Now I think about the woman that is typing this. She feels lost. Like if she had to describe herself to someone she wouldn't even know where to start. She would say she is married with 3 kids. She is about ready to start a new job. And then what......lost. She is just lost."
Jumping to today February 2018. This is still a little how I feel. Except with events I can only describe as God moments in the last 8 months I see hope. God showing me that the passion is still there.
I am still the young girl that has a passion for people. I can look at how lost I felt then and see that while I was hearing and feeling the push of the enemy. There was always a still small voice. God was still moving me. Molding me. Changing me in ways I didn't know I needed to be changed.
I will be the first person to admit that I am not perfect, not almost, not soon, quite possibly never will be. I'm to loud. I overshare. I can be moody. I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. I can be selfish and impatient. I have to many pet peves. The list quite literally could go on and on. but....
I also love big. I love to encourage. I would gladly walk with you through your darkest hour. I will stand with you. If you can't stand, I will stand for you. I will be your midnight call and your biggest fan. I see things in black and white. It is or isn't. It seems as though people have to talk me into seeing the gray more often than not. While this can be a flaw I feel like it is also a gift.
Today more than anything, I want you to know. That no matter where you are or how you're feeling, You have a purpose. Maybe you aren't walking throught a Winter, feeling lost and cold. Maybe you are in a spring where you see new life and opportunity. Maybe you are in the middle of summer and you are having the time of your life. No matter what season you are in, you are important. No one can replace you. No one can affect a situation like you can.
If you're like me...wondering when you will start to see the signs of spring, keep pressing in. Keep asking Jesus to guard your heart. Keep asking the Father to reveal his perfect plan. Keep walking by faith even when you can't see. He has promise to never leave us. He never asks us to walk alone.
Blessings!
Deuteronomy 31:8
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or fosake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
" Do you ever just feel unsettled. Nothing is out of place but you feel like you are missing something. Things in life are good but you just can't shake the feeling that something just isn't how it should be.
What do you do with that? Why do you feel this way? How do you make it go away?
It seems like a mean trick. As a Christian I know that we have an enemy. He is malicious and always on the attack. Always trying to twist our happiness into something we don't recognize. Making us want more. Making us discontent. We don't even know what more we need or want...we just know that what we have is never enough.
The older I get the more chances I have to look back. Today I watched some amazing kids graduate high school. I think of who I was and what I wanted out of life at that age. I keep wondering were that girl went. She was carefree and fun. She was always up for meeting new people and there wasn't a lot that could keep her down.
While she was someone that understood that life was not perfect, she could look at most situations and see the good. Find a way to make it work. She was oddly confident. She was hopeful for her future. She was sure of who she was. She was organized and driven. She seems like a completely different person.
Now I think about the woman that is typing this. She feels lost. Like if she had to describe herself to someone she wouldn't even know where to start. She would say she is married with 3 kids. She is about ready to start a new job. And then what......lost. She is just lost."
Jumping to today February 2018. This is still a little how I feel. Except with events I can only describe as God moments in the last 8 months I see hope. God showing me that the passion is still there.
I am still the young girl that has a passion for people. I can look at how lost I felt then and see that while I was hearing and feeling the push of the enemy. There was always a still small voice. God was still moving me. Molding me. Changing me in ways I didn't know I needed to be changed.
I will be the first person to admit that I am not perfect, not almost, not soon, quite possibly never will be. I'm to loud. I overshare. I can be moody. I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. I can be selfish and impatient. I have to many pet peves. The list quite literally could go on and on. but....
I also love big. I love to encourage. I would gladly walk with you through your darkest hour. I will stand with you. If you can't stand, I will stand for you. I will be your midnight call and your biggest fan. I see things in black and white. It is or isn't. It seems as though people have to talk me into seeing the gray more often than not. While this can be a flaw I feel like it is also a gift.
Today more than anything, I want you to know. That no matter where you are or how you're feeling, You have a purpose. Maybe you aren't walking throught a Winter, feeling lost and cold. Maybe you are in a spring where you see new life and opportunity. Maybe you are in the middle of summer and you are having the time of your life. No matter what season you are in, you are important. No one can replace you. No one can affect a situation like you can.
If you're like me...wondering when you will start to see the signs of spring, keep pressing in. Keep asking Jesus to guard your heart. Keep asking the Father to reveal his perfect plan. Keep walking by faith even when you can't see. He has promise to never leave us. He never asks us to walk alone.
Blessings!
Deuteronomy 31:8
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or fosake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
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