Who's the Better Half??

   Recently I have been thinking more and more about who I am.  Why do I do the things I do?  Why do I like the things I like?  Why  do I think the way I do?  Why am I drawn to certain people?  Or even better why are certain people drawn to me? 

      Ready for my profound answer?  I still don't know.  I honestly can't figure it all out.  There are some things that I can look at and understand but others that just never really make sense.  

      For example, I am a fixer.  I like to make things ok.  I like to solve problems.  I like to walk with people through trials. To help them make sense of what they are going through.  I like to see relationships restored.  I like to talk things out.  
     I am not normally one to sit by and watch while someone is hurting. I listen and offer some sort of encouragement. Depending on the person and situation I might even add some advise (yes, while they can be the same, advice and encouragement can be pretty different).   
      My husband, John, gets annoyed when shopping with me.  Never fails that someone, smiles and says Hello.  I do the same and if you are in close proximity they usually start up a conversation.  He is more of an introvert.  He likes to stay more to himself. He can't understand how the constant download from strangers isn't super annoying to me. 
     What drew us together?  Two people who are so very different.  
     A crazy, energetic, people loving girl. A quiet, funny, introverted boy.  I pull him into a social life that he is unsure he loves. He helps me realize that down time and quiet is a must.  We need it to recharge.  I might need a little less time than he does but we all need it.  
     People are drawn to John.  He pulls in people that wouldn't really be drawn to me.  His way is softer, quieter.  He moves at a slower pace.  It takes him a little bit to warm up to someone. 
      I am loud and silly.  I like to laugh.  I make fast friends.  There is another difference, I would classify a "friend" differently than he would.  I have MANY friends.  He would say he has just a handful of friends.  He would use other descriptions for people,  IE: Coworker, family, neighbor etc.  
      I am very thankful for John.  Without him I wouldn't be nearly as grounded as I am.  He stretches me.  I choose to try and see why and how he deals with life.  Maybe it is something that will make me a better person if I do it to...then again, maybe not.
      Now that doesn't mean we don't disagree, cause we do!   HELLO, we are normal people! 
      In all the ups and downs of this world I know that there is one human that chooses me.  Of coarse I also choose Him!!! We aren't stuck.  We chose. Even when I am difficult he still chooses me.  When he is being a hermit, I still choose him. It makes my heart happy to know that no matter what comes we are both 100% set on our choice.
      I still love to think about why I am the way I am and why I think the way I do.  But what it all really boils down to, I am so very thankful for a Godly husband!  No matter how different we are, we work!  We say yes to thinking outside of our comfort zones and yes to working together to both be stretched.  Yes to a life together that we wouldn't have by ourselves. 
      I have wondered, in the past, who I would have been on my own.  I can't even imagine that!  I have been the later half of "John & Colleen" for the better part of 17 years!  That's right 17! Married for almost 14.  
      John keeps me grounded in a wonderful way. I love that I can feel secure because I know he is steadfast.  
      So now when I think of who I am and why I think that way I think....some of that just might have some of John mixed in it. Pretty amazing how that works!   
      Thank you Jesus for teaching us about grace, patience, kindness, love and joy through our spouses and loved ones!!! 

Feeling Winter

 I started this blog post May of 2017. 

" Do you ever just feel unsettled.  Nothing is out of place but you feel like you are missing something.  Things in life are good but you just can't shake the feeling that something just isn't how it should be.

   What do you do with that?  Why do you feel this way?   How do you make it go away?

   It seems like a mean trick.  As a Christian I know that we have an enemy.  He is malicious and always on the attack.  Always trying to twist our happiness into something we don't recognize.  Making us want more. Making us discontent.  We don't even know what more we need or want...we just know that what we have is never enough.

   The older I get the more chances I have to look back.  Today I watched some amazing kids graduate high school.  I think of who I was and what I wanted out of life at that age.  I keep wondering were that girl went.  She was carefree and fun.  She was always up for meeting new people and there wasn't a lot that could keep her down.

   While she was someone that understood that life was not perfect, she could look at most situations and see the good.  Find a way to make it work.  She was oddly confident.  She was hopeful for her future.  She was sure of who she was.  She was organized and driven.  She seems like a completely different person.

   Now I think about the woman that is typing this.  She feels lost.  Like if she had to describe herself to someone she wouldn't even know where to start.  She would say she is married with 3 kids.  She is about ready to start a new job.  And then what......lost.  She is just lost."

  Jumping to today February 2018. This is still a little how I feel.  Except with events I can only describe as God moments in the last 8 months I see hope.  God showing me that the passion is still there.

  I am still the young girl that has a passion for people.  I can look at how lost I felt then and see that while I was hearing and feeling the push of the enemy.  There was always a still small voice. God was still moving me.  Molding me. Changing me in ways I didn't know I needed to be changed. 
 
  I will be the first person to admit that I am not perfect, not almost, not soon, quite possibly never will be.  I'm to loud.  I overshare.  I can be moody.  I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve.  I can be selfish and impatient.  I have to many pet peves.  The list quite literally could go on and on. but....

  I also love big.  I love to encourage.  I would gladly walk with you through your darkest hour.  I will stand with you. If you can't stand, I will stand for you.  I will be your midnight call and your biggest fan.  I see things in black and white. It is or isn't. It seems as though people have to talk me into seeing the gray more often than not.  While this can be a flaw I feel like it is also a gift.

  Today more than anything, I want you to know.  That no matter where you are or how you're feeling, You have a purpose.  Maybe you aren't walking throught a Winter, feeling lost and cold.  Maybe you are in a spring where you see new life and opportunity.  Maybe you are in the middle of summer and you are having the time of your life.  No matter what season you are in, you are important.  No one can replace you.  No one can affect a situation like you can. 

  If you're like me...wondering when you will start to see the signs of spring, keep pressing in.  Keep asking Jesus to guard your heart.  Keep asking the Father to reveal his perfect plan.  Keep walking by faith even when you can't see.  He has promise to never leave us.   He never asks us to walk alone.

Blessings!

Deuteronomy 31:8
It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will not leave you or fosake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.