Is this 30?

  How do you answer the question "How are you?" ?  Do you give a standard, "I'm good, how bout you?" Or maybe you are a little less interested and give a "Fine". 
   I have recently found myself answering with "Good...busy...but good" .  Now, why am I doing that?  They don't really need to know that.  They really probably were asking out of habit.  Chances are they are every bit as busy as I am , maybe more. 
  The more I think about this the more I realize it comes from a part of me that I dislike.  The part of me that can feel run down.  The part of me that feels less than.  I can't keep up.  I am tired.  I am not finding joy in each moment.  Sad to say, the selfish side of me.  I don't like to admit that I have one of those...but I do. 
    I don't like to feel out of control.  I dislike not being able to do all that I want to do.  Now, I feel like I should just clarify.  I am not a yes person.  If I don't want to do something, you will probably know it right off the bat.  I am not talking about those kind of things.  I am more than willing to say no to those things.  I am talking about things that I enjoy and want to have in my life. 
    It seems like in the past few years there are friends that I haven't been able to connect with.  Events I can't attend.  Not because I don't want to but because saying yes to them means saying no to my family.  To John and the boys.  This makes me annoyed.  I want there to be time for all of that. 
   I don't want to sacrifice my family for friends or activities.  I also don't want to loose connection with other family or friends.  (I have some pretty stellar people in my corner! ) It seems as though this is another level of adulting.  Saying yes to a spouse and children is often saying yes to their activities and no to mine.   Why didn't someone warn me about this? 
   I know that this is just the beginning.  It isn't going to slow down anytime soon.  In all honesty I wouldn't want it to. I also don't want to continue to feel like I am letting the business of life steal my joy.  I want to enjoy each stage.  I want to be present in each experience.  I want to look back and remember how great it was.  I never want to look back on what could have been.  I want my boys to remember how excited mom got at their ball games and not that I sat and endured it.  I know they can see the difference. 
   What is it in your life that you want to see more joy in?  Maybe we can encourage each other in this journey! 

Summer in the Springtime

     I have been a little frustrated with the weather this year.  Well I shouldn't say frustrated...more like annoyed! The winter seemed extra long this year.  Then without warning it was summer!  Hot, so very hot!  There was no middle ground.  No getting used to it.  I missed the grace period for the change. 
   
      God has been using this as a teaching tool in my spiritual life.  I often find myself trying to jump from winter directly into summer.  Wanting to bypass spring.  Feeling as thought I see all that summer has to offer and feeling like I just need to jump on in and get moving. 
   
     God is calling me to a slower more graceful approach.   Colleen. Stop.  Listen. Wait. 

     How much do I miss when I just power on through.  How much do I miss when I think I hear a word from Him and then run off on my own to try and make sure it happens.  Often I don't even realize that I am doing it. 

     That is when you hear that small, still voice calling you to come back. 

     Picture a parent and child on a pathway.  The child sees a huge field of flowers up ahead and takes off down the path.  The parent is left walking slowly behind.  The child sees the obvious beauty and runs toward it.  The parents takes in each piece of beauty as they meander down the path.  The parents sees something, a hidden treasure of sorts and calls the child back.  Maybe it takes some coaxing or convincing.  The child returns to see all they have missed. 

      How often have I been this child.  The blessing and mission on my life are not just one and done.  They are abundant and sometimes hidden in the stillness. 

      I feel that God has shown me some of the bigger callings he has on my life.  Today I am reminded to take time to hang out in the springtime with my heavenly father.  To enjoy finding hidden treasures.  Each time transforming me.  Teaching me.  Changing my mind and heart.  Learning to love and be loved.  Compassion, grace, patience and mercy. 

     This can be a hard season.  I am just a tad mission oriented (ok I can be VERY mission oriented) .  Set the goal, attain the goal, set a new goal and so on.  How do I do when the goal is to just be.  Come and rest.  Guess we will just have to see......