Is this 30?

  How do you answer the question "How are you?" ?  Do you give a standard, "I'm good, how bout you?" Or maybe you are a little less interested and give a "Fine". 
   I have recently found myself answering with "Good...busy...but good" .  Now, why am I doing that?  They don't really need to know that.  They really probably were asking out of habit.  Chances are they are every bit as busy as I am , maybe more. 
  The more I think about this the more I realize it comes from a part of me that I dislike.  The part of me that can feel run down.  The part of me that feels less than.  I can't keep up.  I am tired.  I am not finding joy in each moment.  Sad to say, the selfish side of me.  I don't like to admit that I have one of those...but I do. 
    I don't like to feel out of control.  I dislike not being able to do all that I want to do.  Now, I feel like I should just clarify.  I am not a yes person.  If I don't want to do something, you will probably know it right off the bat.  I am not talking about those kind of things.  I am more than willing to say no to those things.  I am talking about things that I enjoy and want to have in my life. 
    It seems like in the past few years there are friends that I haven't been able to connect with.  Events I can't attend.  Not because I don't want to but because saying yes to them means saying no to my family.  To John and the boys.  This makes me annoyed.  I want there to be time for all of that. 
   I don't want to sacrifice my family for friends or activities.  I also don't want to loose connection with other family or friends.  (I have some pretty stellar people in my corner! ) It seems as though this is another level of adulting.  Saying yes to a spouse and children is often saying yes to their activities and no to mine.   Why didn't someone warn me about this? 
   I know that this is just the beginning.  It isn't going to slow down anytime soon.  In all honesty I wouldn't want it to. I also don't want to continue to feel like I am letting the business of life steal my joy.  I want to enjoy each stage.  I want to be present in each experience.  I want to look back and remember how great it was.  I never want to look back on what could have been.  I want my boys to remember how excited mom got at their ball games and not that I sat and endured it.  I know they can see the difference. 
   What is it in your life that you want to see more joy in?  Maybe we can encourage each other in this journey!