Life, Legacy and all the Days in the Middle.

    I often feel like the little things of life don't matter.  So what if the laundry piles up?  So what if the dust is a half inch thick?  You come to my house to see me not how dusty it is, right?
    It's so easy for parents to feel like the daily struggle isn't worth it.  Why correct a disobedient child? In 10 minutes they will just be doing the same thing (or something equally annoying) and need correcting again.
   It's easy to feel frustrated.  It's easy to become overwhelmed.  It's easy to give up.  It's easy to worry or even obsess.
   As a Christian I know that "Good things come to those that wait" It's not easy to be patient. It's most certainly not fun.  Lots of times it is painful.  Emotionally. Spiritually.  Just painful.
   That's when you look at those that have gone before you.  I look at my grandparents, for example.  My grandfather just passed away earlier this summer.  He was a very humble man.  He didn't say much.  He love his family.  He loved Jesus.  He was a wonderful example of a Godly man.
   He also was very human.  Did he love his wife?  Yes.  Did he love his children? Of coarse.  Did he make mistakes along the way?  I'm pretty sure he would say he did more wrong than right.
   In spite of this his children loved him dearly.  They love Jesus.  They raised their children to do the same.  They treat others with kindness and love.  
   The days that he didn't feel like he maybe was the man he could have of or should have been were days that he still said prayers over his household.  He still read God's word and had quiet time with the Lord.  This is his legacy.
    I have really been thinking a lot about what it means to build a legacy.  It sounds so noble.  It sounds so unattainable...just to be honest.  How am I a (very human and not always loving) mother going to leave a legacy.  I mean honestly there are days I hope my boys forget how quickly I lost my cool.  That they don't resent me for being to busy or tired.
    Well and lets just be clear here, when I say legacy I am not meaning riches of this earth.  Not millions of dollars or tons of land.  I am talking about spiritual wealth.
    The key word that keeps coming to me is "Grace".  When my top blows and the steams is coming out my ears it is followed by a mountain of guilt.  When I think "Yup, I blew it again (literally)."
     It's what I do with the next moment.   It's going back to my child and telling them how much I love them.  How I should have reacted and then asking them to forgive me because I wronged them.
     It's when I don't repent and ask for forgiveness that those "Days in the middle" get lost in the shuffle.  That's when I find myself falling farther and farther from the person I know I want to be.  Who God calls me to be.
     Leaving a legacy isn't about being noble, its about being humble.  Leaving a legacy is unattainable on our own.
     The legacy I want to leave requires daily sacrifice and surrender.  It requires transparency and vulnerability.   The legacy I want to leave is Jesus.
      I don't want my children to look at me and think I'm perfect.  I also don't want them to be ashamed of me.
     I want my children to look at me and see that even though I am not perfect, I love Jesus and that even on the bad days, Jesus shines through.  At the end of each day they see that his Grace is enough.  His mercy is new every morning and great is his faithfulness.  (Lamentations 3:23)
     Just as those, like the Grandfather I mentioned before, I know I make mistakes.   I also know that this is the only life I get.  I will leave a legacy and I choose the legacy of  faith and ultimately of eternal life.  To leave the legacy of Jesus.  I pray that it runs true and deep in the hearts of my children, and in  my grandchildren and the generations that follow after.
     Today is a new day.  The circumstances of today may not seem to have much bearing on the rest of my life but its in the little choices all around me.  Today, I choose life!